Garden and things...

The garden is coming up quite nicely for a first try! Sadly I have not been able to give much thought to it. I am now working 72 hours a week so I haven't devoted much attention to it at all. I don't even remember what some of the veggies are that are popping up. I should have marked them. Thankfully, my very helpful husband weeded it for me. The weeds sprouted up amazingly fast and got quite big before I was able to determine if they were actually weeds or if they were part of the garden! Dean is supposed to be my co-gardener, but he's very lazy and refuses to weed or water. I'm excited to eat some of the lettuce. I have to admit, I'm not sure how to pull it up. Do I pull it out from the root or just tear some leaves up? Who knows.

Work: Because business has been painfully slow, I started working evenings at Pizza Hut again. It's not a bad place to work, and I'm gratefull that I was given the opportunity. I imagined I would have to really fight for as many hours as I could, but ended up with 35 the first week and 40 each week after. The only 2 shift managers quit so I was asked to close-manage until others could be trained to do it. I reluctantly agreed. What this means is that instead of getting off work at 11pm, I now get off work at 1-1:30 am, and I also don't make tips any more. So more responsibility with less pay, basically. I'm hoping I can go back to waiting tables only, although it's very difficult for me to not direct people to what they should be doing. It's just what I do- I have a hard time watching people violate policy or not work up to standard and not say anything about it. I'm a by-the-book kind of person. If there is a rule, it should be followed! The lack of sleep definately affects me. The first night of the week with only 6 hours sleep is fine. By the second night I can feel the effects, and it just gets worse toward the end of the week. I'm so much crankier and less patient and totally unmotivated. My days off are different every week and they are never together, so it really feels like I don't have any days off! Well, I don't- there is no day where I don't work somewhere! We told the church last week that we would have to resign from teaching Sunday school. I just have to catch up on my sleep debt so something's got to give. Toward the end of the week I find myself walking around aimlessly, not remembering where I was going or what I was doing. How long can I keep this up for? I think a couple of years.....

Seeds of Change

Today I ordered seeds for my garden. I've never ordered seeds before, and I 've never had a garden before. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I have the internet, so I'll know soon! I'm so excited about growing our own vegetables! I cleared a spot in the play area and spend an hour pulling up weeds. I'm going to fence it off somehow to keep the animals out, as our cats will try to use it as a cat box and our basett hound will trample anything. I ordered 2 different kinds of lettuce, cucumbers, green onions, Walla Walla onions, broccoli, tomotoes, 2 kinds of carrots and eggplant. This will, of course be an organic garden. Brian scoffs at this idea because he believes everything should have a good coat of chemicals. I do not believe in chemicals, or in GMOs! I'm going to make every effort to grow these amazing vegetables, to serve to my family. Of course, I'll be the only one who will eat them!!

Blah...

Monday morning and I'm tired. I don't understand why I stay up so late. It's like I'm glued to the couch. What prevents me from getting up and getting into bed? I know my body well enough to know that I must put it to bed before 11pm. It really needs to be by 10pm. So why did I go to bed after 12 last night? It's a mystery, but I'm paying for it now.
I'm SOOO beyond frustrated. Our tax return was supposed to be here several weeks ago. It didn't show up. I have so much stress hanging over my head because it's still not here, and there's nothing I can do about it. It just gets worse as each day passes.
I watched The Passion again last night. I had to turn away from all the violent scenes. I thought my eyes would be puffier this morning from crying last night. So horrible to watch. Yet I'm so grateful for my Savior. Where would I be without His sacrifice?
This morning I learned of a tragedy. One of Brian's former classmates' daughter was killed in a 4 wheeling accident. 11 years old. Same age as Callie. This year Callie and Dean have been doing a lot of 4-wheeling at Grandma's house, just like this little girl- she was at her grandparents house. It just breaks my heart. It could have been my child. I don't want them riding any more. I can only imagine the pain of this day for that family. The day after Easter and you have to deal with this blow. It's so horrific.

Did medical incompetence save my life?

All week I had a major headach that Excedrin and Ibuprofen just wouldn't touch. By Thursday it had gotten very painful, but I went to Spokane to see Ellis. I took about 5 Excedrin and 8 Ibuprofen that day. By evening I felt a little better. Friday it was a migraine. I tried to sleep that evening, but the pain was so bad! I decided around midnight to go the the emergency room, which means it was pretty darn bad because I don't go to the ER! When the nurse took my information down, he took my blood pressure. He said, "That is stroke blood pressure!" It was 217/126. Thankfully it didn't take long to get in. The doctor told me he wanted to do a lumbar puncutre and a cat scan. I said the cat scan was fine, but I didn't want a lumbar puncture! He told me it was necessary to rule out Meningitis, and that he had just done a LP on a woman a few days ago and she had Meningitis. He said, "I probably saved her life." We debated about the LP for a bit, and I finally agreed if he would give me something to calm me down. I was terrified of a Spinal Tap. I've seen them on t.v. and the patient always screams in pain! He gave me Versed, which is an anxiety medication and causes short-term memory loss. Fine with me! I remember bending over and praying that I wouldn't feel it. The nurse, whom I used to work with at Pizza Hut, later told me that she said "Just think of all the fun times we had together at Pizza Hut'." She then told me that I replied, "I don't think I still work there." But I wouldn't know what I said because I don't remember any of it. I remember a moment of being wheeled into get the Cat Scan and I remember the light going off. About 45 minutes later I woke up. My legs felt very restless. I sat up and the nurse came in and they sent me home. From what I have read, you should lay down for a few hours after a spinal tap, to lessen the chance of a spinal headache. No one told me this. I had to ask the nurse if the doctor had given me anything for my migraine because I still had it when I left. She told me he did, but didn't seem to certain of what it was he gave me.
Saturday morning Brian went to Spokane to get Ellis. When he got home, I was still laying in bed with a horrible migraine. We decided to go to the walk-in clinic. They told us the wait was an hour and a half. By this time, I was in total misery. My migraine was worse then the day before, and the worst one I have ever had. I was naseous and felt so sick. I only got a tiny bit of relief by leaning my head agains the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom and moaning. After what seemed like forever, the called my name. They took my blood pressure and told us that I would have to go to the ER because my blood pressure was 'stroke territory'. GREAT! We had them call the ER to see what the wait was, because I would have rather stuck an ice pick in my brain then wait for a few more hours! The wait was about 3 hours, but they talked to the head nurse and they agreed to get me in right away. They gave me something to lower my blood pressure. They also gave me some pain medications that were pretty awesome. Laying down made me feel so much better! The next day I was fine if I was laying down. Very sick when sitting or standing. Monday morning we called my doctor and got in right away. He put me on 2 blood pressure medicines and gave me some Vicodan. Still felt horrible and had to lay down. I called the doctor with my concerns about still feeling so terrible. I could only walk if I was bent over at the waist. The nurse mentioned that the headache could be from the spinal tap. The doctor dismissed that, because I presented with a headache originally. He wanted me to wait it out for a few days. Brian called him again because I knew I shouldn't be feeling so terrible. He switched the pain medicine to Percocet.
I started reading more about Spinal Taps and now realize that although I don't know what caused the first migraine (blood pressure doesn't usually cause a headche- that's why they call it the 'silent killer'), the second and worse migraine was caused by the Spinal Tap. Up to 30% of people will experience this after a Spinal Tap, and laying down is the one thing that relieves it. So, here I am 6 days later, and I still have to lie down most of the day. Yesterday evening I was able to stand up and walk around for a few hours, but today I'm not. This feeling can last up to 2 weeks! So...the moral of the story is that if I wouldn't have had the first migraine, I would not have known my blood pressure was so serious. (I found out from my wonderful cousin that strokes at an early age run in our family!) And if I wouldn't have experienced the sickness from the Spinal Tap, I wouldn't have gotten in to my doctor right away and wouldn't have gotten on blood pressure medication and very likely would have had a stroke!!! So a couple of days ago I was very upset at the ER doctor for not having me lay down for hours afterward, and not instructing me on what to do to lessen the chance of getting ill from it. But now I am grateful for his incompetence, because it just might have saved me from having a stroke. Don't tell him that though! He already has a God Complex!

Odyssey Into Frugality

It's gaining popularity- from saving a little here and there to extreme cases- and being frugal is the smart thing to do. The economy is bad, and despite what our leaders tell us, things aren't getting better. I believe the worst is yet to come. The typical American Family, mine included, is feeling the effects of our way of life. Spending more than you have, having it now and paying for it later...no savings to speak of. And it hurts. I'll be brutally honest. Brian and I have spent the bulk of our lives together getting into debt. Back then, credit cards were so easy to get- they were giving them away! We'd promise ourselves we'd pay it off right away. Then the balance keeps getting bigger and eventually we'd find ourselves just paying the minimum due every month. I was never taught anything about money management, but I won't use that as an excuse. I'm a big girl now and I'm sickened by the result of years of poor choices and avoidance. Sooo....come along with me on my latest and greatest adventure...my family's odyssey into frugality! It all starts today with the magic jars!!!!!

Who is this person?

Over Labor Day Weekend I attended my 20 Year High School Reunion, and I also got to spend some very enjoyable time with my family. The home I grew up in burnt down a few years ago and my mom came across a box filled with my old letters and diaries. I picked them up this trip and read the three diaries in the box. These particular volumes started on my 16th birthday until I was about 20 years old. I have shared excerpts from diaries I kept before that, much to everyone's entertainment. But these diaries weren't quite so funny. Certainly there were a few pages that were pretty entertaining, but for the most part, I discovered a young girl that I had almost forgotten about. I was so surprised at how much anger and rage and hatred was bubbling inside of me, just under the surface. Where my diaries from 13 and 14 expressed more pain and hurt, I could easily see how that turned into something darker. I was very shocked at the emotions dripping off every page. When I read those diaries, I see this young girl with no direction, feeling utterly unloved and alone, who turned the pain into hate. I see clearly how lost I was. I was searching for what would fill the void and coming up empty at every turn. I was surprised as well at the horrible choices that I made, that time and time again only served to hurt me all the more. I praise God that He pulled me out of the mire and the muck and set my feet upon a rock! I spent years searching for what was in front of me the whole time! Thank you God for opening my eyes and saving me, yes even me!